The pReview Re-viewing of..
Big Hero 6!
CLICK BELOW TO VIEW THE TRAILER!
(it is highly recommended to view the trailer and THEN read)
(warning: There are no Big Heroes one through five. Also, there IS strong language.)
by Jeff Finck
written: October 31, 2014
Release Date: November 7, 2014
First of all, if you are unaware of what Marvel Comics has been doing to the entertainment industry over the past six years, (just a taste) you are willingly ruining your own sense of cinematic adventure and fun. Not to mention, they also just announced the final pieces of their massive story, slated to continue for another five years! And that's just the live-action side of things. Now that Disney owns Marvel, it was only a matter of time before they started snatching up the lesser known series and turning them into kid-friendly, identifiable cash beasts.. Marvel, seriously, can't fail. Really, no one has put together a more bankable team of teenagers with attitude since Max Headroom and Paulie's robot from Rocky outsourced fighting evil.
For the purposes of time, I'm going to try and just treat this as a brand new entity, instead of the sixteen year old, established series that it is. And so, the trailer plops us straight into the future mash-up city of San Fransokyo. I assume, because.. You know.. In order to keep China from owning the United States, we'll need to eventually team up with Japan in order to use their crime-against-nature Kaiju tentacle fuck-monsters to battle the lawyers China hires to rightfully get the money back that we owe them.
At night, in the seedy underbelly of San Fransokyo, there exists a world beyond the glimmering, flashy shell that humanity calls existence. This world? Underground Robot Fight Club! Their king? Fourteen year-old Hiro Hamada (Ryan Potter) and his six-way butt plug robot fighter of death.
At night, the people frolic and distract themselves with frivolity. However, during the part of the day that sucks because there's sun everywhere (ugh), Sgt. KabukiMan fucks shit up with nanobots and silence. Oddly enough, his flagrant disregard for the city seems to be directed entirely at children. This guy is kind of a dick. Unfortunately for him, one of those children (Big Hiro sics.. Robots on your ass) has a giant balloon robot called Baymax (voiced by Scott Adsit). Unfortunately for Hiro, his big ass robot looks like an obese clown tried to clone himself with balloons.
It turns out that Hiro inherited Baymax from his older brother, who is.. Not.. Around.. Anymore? I guess? Who knows? The bottom line, here, is that Hiro and Baymax are best friends and they're going to recruit some teenaged nerdy archetypes to help take down their silent, be-masked antagonist. Which is totally, probably not a metaphor.
Let's see, we have GoGo Tomago (Jamie Chung): The tough as nails, alt-chick who chucks discs around with her disc hands and rides around on disc feet and, actually, kind of looks like a punk rock version of those gangly Wheeler fucks from Return to Oz.
Then, there's Wasabi-No-Ginger (Damon Wayans, Jr.). Wasabi is the voice of reason throughout the trailer, really highlighting the fact that his teammates are insane people who believe they're invincible, while he is more practical and would like to not become a dead person. He's basically the team's African American Shaggy Rogers.. If Shaggy had cool-as-peaches energy blades, was made of 300 pounds of muscle, and wasn't a complete coward.
Next, we have the mad scientist of the team: Honey Lemon (Génesis Rodríguez). You can tell that she's the mad scientist because she wears glasses and lab things explode in her face. If that doesn't say "SCIENCE", then I don't even know what could. She also has a Mary Poppins purse that gives her a neverending supply of oranges.. Or something. And Mary Poppins doesn't have that!
Last up, we have Fred (TJ Miller). He seems pretty unremarkable, actually. Aside from his penchant for dressing in weird monster costumes and having the comedic timing of a young TJ Miller, I'm not sure what he'll bring to the team. The comics claim that he can project a red Godzilla (so as not to attract lawsuits from green Godzilla, I assume), but the closest I saw in the preview to him doing that was when he didn't do anything like that.. Soooo..
So, the creators of Frozen and Wreck-It Ralph have another insanely appealing animated feature under their belt, whoop-dee-doo. Who cares? Am I right? Actually, I'm kidding.. This looks fucking awesome! This is an interesting take on the whole, kind-of-dramatic comic book version full of darker, underlying familial subplots and espionage-laden story arcs. This is lighter. It's more fun! Plus, I haven't seen this much potential merchandising from one company since..
Big Hero 6 (2014) poster, trailer, and screen shots courtesy of Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1993) screen shot courtesy of Saban Entertainment
Yo Gabba Gabba! (2007) screen shot courtesy of Nick Jr.
Spawn (1997) screen shot courtesy of New Line Cinema
What's Happening to My Body? (2007) book cover courtesy of William Morrow Paperbacks
Return to Oz (1985) and Mary Poppins (1964) screen shots courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures
Shaggy Rogers courtesy of sooooooo much pot.
Original Drawing of Baymax and Buzz Lightyear by me, courtesy of five minutes of scribbling
Disney merch courtesy of incredibly intelligent decisions and excellent business acumen
All credited images found on Google Image searches except otherwise noted