The pReview Re-viewing of..
highly recommended to check out the trailer and then read!
by: Jeff Finck
The premise: I know this will be a shocker, but in New York City, there are underworld crime syndicates. One of which, headed by Lo-Pan, is looking for a 12 year old Chinese girl. This isn't as nafarious as it sounds.. apparently this is Mercury Rising 2: Lost in New York. The girl is a math whiz and is being pursued for a number she memorized, but Jason Statham will NOT let anything happen to her.. probably utilizing tools such as shirtlessness, punching things, and karate.
The trailer starts out with a voice over, like most trailers do.. this time, the disembodied voice lets us all in on the knowledge that there are gangsters, killers, and corrupt cops all hanging out together in the New York City streets.. probably playing kickball.. or hopscotch.. or whatever seedy criminals do nowadays. He then goes on to tell us that, of all the wanted people in the city, no one is more sought after than a very specific 12 year old, Chinese girl. She is shown wandering a subway station at night, which immediately makes me think that she's a vampire or in a gang, herself. I've been to the subways in NYC and I know that there are only 2 kinds of people that hang out there at night.. and sometimes a very unique third type.. vampire gangsters. (see: Vampiyaz)
Jason Statham spots the little girl walking alone and immediately knows that she is up to no good. After following her, he realizes that he misses taking care of and looking after children and Asian women.. and now he can do both at the same time! So, after utterly destroying a rag tag group of common, absolutely innocent commuters by breaking their hands, sternums, windpipes, and morale, he takes the girl under his wing. What's that? Those guys were all after her? I totally misread that. Okay.. so I guess he "rescues" the tiny Asian girl. I still say that he's excited to be able to roll up the first 2 Transporter movies into this one.
At about the 52 second mark, I realize why I will probably enjoy everything that happens in this movie, no matter how cliche, cheesy, and completely recycled it seems. The Producer of Kill Bill and Inglourious Basterds is behind this! Then, right back to the plot.. aparently, the girl can remember ANYTHING! Which is pretty sweet if she ever loses her iPhone, or has 3 different passwords for her social networking sites. For the sake of the movie's plot, however, she was forced to memorize Pi to like 150 digits. And that pisses off the Triads and the Russians.. for some reason. Jason Statham asks her to come up with a reason that the numbers would piss these guys off, and it turns out that they're actually a code. The Da Vinci Code.. dun dun dun! Wait.. no.. not the Da Vinci Code. The Safe code. More likely a safe code, actually, considering the really obvious title.
Within seconds of learning what the movie is about, the name on every corrupt cop's tongue is, Luke Wright. It turns out he's basically the John McClane of New York City.. I mean.. the Snake Pliskin of New York City.. I mean, he's the Chandler Jarrell of New York City.. there it is. Golden Child reference.. nailed it. After that, Prince Humperdink gets up in arms and tell everyone in his organization that that Luke Wright (Jason Statham) is NOT allowed to have their Asian. The rest of the trailer is Jason Statham violently and very aggressivley playing keepaway from the bad guys while A Perfect Circle plays their music at us. The trailer's English dialogue comes to a close with one of those awesome trailer lines:
Bad Guy: "You got some balls, Luke."
Luke: "Yeah, it's amazing I can even walk."
and finishes entirely in Russian:
Luke: "I never know what to say in these moments."
Bad Guy: "What moments?"
Luke: "The ones before I kill somebody."
It kind of looks like the producers wanted the precociousness of Transporter 2, without all the utter sex appeal of Transporter Part One. (see: Shu Qi. No, seriously.. go look at her.) But all of the action and pacing of Transporter 3. But, all in all, this movie looks pretty decent. I like when "The Industry" brings back plotlines from when action movies were mindlessly entertaining. Couple that with the fact that Jason Statham can do no wrong in my cinematic eyes, and that results in my need to see this movie. I know everyone says all of his movies should just be called Jason Statham is Jason Statham in Kicking and Anger, but I like that movie! Fingers crossed.
Release Date: April 27, 2012