The pReview Re-viewing
April 6, 2012!
(warning: Contains profanity. Red Band trailers used when available. Also, this post made me feel gassy. Jussayin.)
clicking movie posters will open their Official Sites in a separate window
by Jeff Finck
Hey there, Friday. How are you? Feeling a little light? Yeah, that'll happen when there's only one major release coming out. This weekend will be for two types of people: Those who want to watch American Pie 4 on the big screen, or those of you who live in New York City or Los Angeles. If you fall into the latter category, have no fear, you get American Pie AND a couple of fun horror movies! If you only fall into the former, you may actually still be entertained: The entire cast is back for this one! All of your favorite people who went on to become "That one guy" or "That one girl" from those American Pie movies!
Usually when movies hit their 4th or 5th sequel, the series has already received its final nail in the coffin. But when a series gets its 7th sequel, the shark begins approaching the Land Before Time at an alarming rate. Granted, this is technically only the 4th movie in the ACTUAL series (ignoring the 4 movies that tried to spin off into National Lampoon's over-trod territory). A very big plus for this, however, is that the entire cast is ALL coming back! It's difficult pulling something like that off nowadays, what with egos and the like (ahemArrestedDevelopmentahem). It's actually kind of hard to believe that almost none of the original cast went on to massive stardom. Especially because American Pie was THE movie in 1999 (If you ignore The Matrix, Star Wars Episode I, The Sixth Sense, Toy Story 2, Austin Powers, or American Beauty). Let me rephrase, American Pie was THE high school party movie of 1999. But Jason Biggs went on to be cast as kind of the same shlubby guy in everything for 10 years (with the exception being Guy X.. Which is a fantastic movie). I feel like Thomas Ian Nicholas just continued being Henry Rowengartner, right up until he stopped a butcher knife with his head in Halloween Resurrection. Eddie Kaye Thomas stuck it out as a side kick for years. Chris Klein became FUCKING AWESOME (Unfortunately, no one noticed). Tara Reid imploded. Even Mena Suvari managed to kind of stay under the radar. The only real over the top successes were Seann William Scott (who kind of just kept playing Stifler, but in bigger budget movies), Shannon Elizabeth (Who took it easier, but still managed a big movie a year until 2005), John Cho (Who turned being the "MILF" guy into a successful three-peat of stoner movies, and then became Lieutenant fucking Sulu!), and Alyson Hannigan spun Buffy into How I Met Your Mother when no one was looking and stayed paid. American Reunion finalizes the series (allegedly), culminating in the class reunion of East Great Falls High. This makes it their.. 13th year reunion? Wait a minute.. Isn't 13 an unlucky number?
The premise for this minimalistic-ally titled movie is relatively simple: Three friends are trapped in a parking lot ATM booth. Oh, and the serial killer from Urban Legend is hanging around outside, messing with them and stuff. It stars Alice Eve (She's Out of My League), Josh Peck (the one who wasn't Drake on Drake & Josh), and Brian Geraghty (The Hurt Locker). As random passersby begin getting slaughtered by the antagonist, and as the killers deadly gags start getting deadlier and gaggier, the trio's desperation grows to escape. The trailer is reminiscent of Saw, Buried, Open Water, Frozen, Phone Booth, P2, Rest Stop.. In light of the last two, I feel more non-traditional places should be used as horror settings. Like: The Dumpster. Or The Bat Mitzvah. Or.. a Chuck E Cheee's..
Detention is a movie that was shot in 2010, released at film fests in 2011, and is finally seeing some light in 2012. I'm sure it has nothing to do with this year of Josh Hutcherson being in a bevy of major movies: The Hunger Games, Journey 2, and the upcoming remake of Red Dawn. In any case, the trailer makes this look super fun and clever. This appears to be in the same line of comedy horrors that have been running around. It's in good company, I mean, Evil Dead 2 was the first one to do it well (in my opinion), but has since been perfected with movies like Shaun of the Dead, Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil, and Severance. Not to mention some smaller films that have really given the genre some credibility like Ghost House Underground's Dance of the Dead and Lions Gate's Drive-Thru. The main premise is that a serial killer is attacking students. In order to prevent the upcoming Prom from turning into a student smoothie, the principal (Dane Cook) puts all of the people he thinks is most likely the killer, in an all-day detention on the day of Prom. Problem solved! This will, no doubt, lead to Breakfast Club like shenanigans like smoking weed, crawling through air ducts, transforming the freak into a pretty girl.. Plus, freak mutilations, dismemberments, and decapitations. I am pretty sure I am remembering this correctly..
Umm.. I.. uh.. I got nothing. Remember that three hour long, disjointed, epic juggernaut that captured the hearts of millions and caused "My Heart Will Go On" to get stuck in everyone's head for three years? Now it's in 3D!!! Sigh. Fucking James Cameron. STOP IT! NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE DONE IN 3D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe James Cameron just wants the world to see that Kate Winslet scene in 3D. Maybe.. Just maybe. But it's probably more like this:
Final Verdict: (As told from the perspective of side characters from horror movies)
Bad News Crews from Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood says:
"I'd throw Tina's mom in front of Jason to check this movie out! ..at home.. in my underwear."
A T M
Tony Todd from Final Destination says:
"Death is the ultimate Mack daddy.. But the serial killer in this is pretty pimp, as well."
Jud Crandall from Pet Semetery says:
"Lots of people dyin'. Sounds entertainin', but keep from buryin' them up the road in the old cemetery. Sometimes dead is better."
*Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace says:
"Mesa gonna watch dissa onna repeat-ro! Mesa havin’ best taste in mooo-vees!"