The pReview Re-viewing's
25 Best and Favorite Movie Characters
(and other characters, too)
(warning: You have been warned.)
by Jeff Finck
*not a real guarantee
25. Agnes (Elsie Fisher) from Despicable Me 2
Everything this little girl says is adorable. And if you don't think so, you're probably going to Hell.
24. Justice Forever - Kick-Ass, Hit-Girl, Colonel Stars and Stripes, Doctor Gravity, Night Bitch, Insect Man, Remembering Tommy, Battle Guy, and Ass-Kicker (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Chloë Grace Moretz, Jim Carrey, Donald Faison, Lindy Booth, Robert Emms, Steven Mackintosh, Monica Dolan, Clark Duke, and Augustus Prew) from Kick-Ass 2
It's like an ultra-violent Mystery Men for the new generation! Right down to the extremely creative names, colorful outfits, and inability to not be entertaining!
23. Mabel "Madea" Simmons (Tyler Perry) from A Madea Christmas
I'm pretty sure that everything I learned about African American families, Madea taught me.
22. Johanna Mason (Jena Malone) from The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
A petite, psychotic girl with an axe who hates high society and isn't afraid of being naked? I think my thirteen year old self just got a boner.
21. Mia, Natalie, David, Eric (Sarah Hyland, Katrina Bowden, Bow Wow, Tyler Posey) from Scary Movie 5
Okay, this movie is terrible. If you do happen to ever brave this movie, pay extra attention to the Evil Dead cabin scene, because it. Is. Glorious. And these four make it worth while.
20. Komona (Rachel Mwanza) from War Witch
If you're unfamiliar, this movie is not for the faint of heart. Komona is a fourteen year old African girl whose life is upended and she must manage to survive some of the most brutal situations one could imagine. Stop imagining them! STOP IT!!
19. Thunk Crood (Clark Duke) from The Croods
There is nothing funny about an over-sized simpleton. Unless you turn him into a cave man.
18. Montgomery "Scotty" Scott (Simon Pegg) from Star Trek Into Darkness
Scotty is the best thing about anything Star Trek and I feel like Simon Pegg took him to an even higher level than previously shown. Not to mention the fact that even when he wasn't on the ship, he was still fantastic.
17. Donnie Azoff (Jonah Hill) from The Wolf of Wall Street
The fact that this character was based on an actual human being is kind of depressing.. But Jonah Hill went so insanely over-the-top with him (hopefully) that it kind of makes you forget all that.
16. The Mandarin/Trevor Slattery (Sir Ben Kingsley) from Iron Man 3
First off, I know that this is NOT the Mandarin from the comics. Hell, the person they even claimed to be the Mandarin wasn't even the Mandarin from the comics. Sir Ben Kingsley, however, took a weird character and made him so lovably goofy that I forgave them.
15. Nathan, Amanda, and Mikey (Jimmy Bennett, Chloë Grace Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) from Movie 43
Middle School Date (aka The Period Skit) involving these kids is pretty much exactly how I would handle anyone getting their period. I am 32 years old.
14. Alan Garner (Zach Galifianakis) from The Hangover Part III
I think The Hangover Part II gave us all the insight we needed into this character with his literal child-like view of the world. He finally has to grow up in this one-- what with having his own father die, telling an impressionable child that he's that child's real dad and finally finding love-- and it's just as weird and strange as you'd imagine it.
13. Steve Gray (Jim Carrey) from The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
When your parody character of David Blaine and Criss Angel is so spot-on that the shit you're doing in a comedy movie is probably not that far off of what these two are eventually going to be like in real-life, you know you've hit the damn bulls-eye.
12. Space (Space) from Gravity
I don't really have to say anything about this. Space is fucking scary as fuck!
11. Alien (James Franco) from Spring Breakers
I chose Jimmy Francs character for a few different reasons: He's ridiculous, James Franco channeling Drexl from True Romance is entertaining as fuck, and it totally spawned this interview with real-life Alien, and barely functional human, Riff Raff: CLICK HERE!
10. Brick Tamland (Steve Carell) from Anchorman: The Legend Continues
The Captain is back! Again. For the s-s-second time? Brick is pretty much everyone's inner child. A child with hand grenades, tridents, and futuristic rifles. He's basically Deadpool if Deadpool got a day job as a functionally retarded weatherman.
9. John Cale and President James Sawyer (Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx) from White House Down
I chose these guys because together, they made the best Die Hard character since John McClane teamed up with Hey Zeus Carver in Die Hard With a Vengeance.. Two actual Die Hard movies and thirteen years ago.
8. Kenny Rossmore (Will Poulter) from We're the Millers
This innocent, little rug-rat, who apparently knows all the lyrics to TLC's Waterfalls, is the reason I went to see this movie. For other characters that are basically Kenny Rossmore, see: Justin Long in Dodgeball.
7. Gary King (Simon Pegg) from The World's End
The transformation of Gary King is one of myth and legend. He starts out as a borderline-awful, alcoholic, self-loathing, completely oblivious egomaniac and through tribulations of a, pretty much, biblical magnitude, he eventually becomes a likable, heroic.. completely.. oblivious.. egomaniac.
6. Dave Lovelace (Chris O'Dowd) from The Sapphires
Even though he's got a bit of that "Great White Hope" stereotype on him-- in that he is painted as the sole chance that this all-female Australian aboriginal group has at fame-- I feel like Chris O'Dowd played him as such a hopelessly depressed husk at the start of the movie, that by the time his character starts turning it all around, it almost seems like the girls saved him more than he did them. And then he literally saves them by taking a bullet. So.. You know.. There goes that.
5. Danny McBride (Danny McBride) from This is the End
Everyone in This is the End was supposed to have played an exaggerated version of themselves.. I'd like to believe that Danny McBride is really like that.
4. Kruger (Sharlto Copley) from Elysium
As far as bad guys go, there weren't that many good ones this year. I mean, you have Benedict Cumberbatch as Khan and Smaug, but Khan got outsmarted by a Vulcan neck-pinch and Smaug was beaten when several Dwarves and a Hobbit hurt his feelings. Kruger survived having his face literally and entirely blown off and partially caved in.. And came back for seconds.
3. Owen (Sam Rockwell) from The Way Way Back
This is the boss that everyone wishes they had. He's basically Mr. Miyagi without any martial arts skills.. Also, if Mr. Miyagi discovered pot and ecstasy at the same time. Also, if Mr. Miyagi had been a white person. So.. Not really like Mr. Miyagi at all.
2. El Cameleón (Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas) from Machete Kills
In a ridiculous movie, this character was RIDICULOUS. Notice all the capital letters. That means that El Cameleón takes all of the ridiculousness that was Machete Kills and then sprays it down entirely with an Axe Body Spray can full of acid mixed with shrooms and then buries it in an M.C. Escher painting.
1. Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy) from The Heat
If you've seen The Heat, you know why Mullins is number one. If you haven't seen The Heat, I feel so very bad for your humorless life, devoid of this foul-mouthed, time-bomb with arms and legs. Mullins is the police officer's Id that I'm sure every cop wishes they were allowed to express. Couple that with Melissa McCarthy's comedic timing, and it's like being taint-punched in your laugh-reflex. (Laugh-reflex: Totally a thing.)
Sexiest Male Character: The entire cast - Dominic Toretto, Brian O'Connor, Letty Ortiz, Mia Toretto, Roman Pearce, Tej Parker, Han Seoul-Oh, Gisele Yashar, Elena Neves (Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Elsa Pataky) from Fast & Furious 6
That's right. Even though there are women in this cast, they were collectively the single sexiest male character of 2013!
Sexiest Female Character: Ishani (voiced by Priyanka Chopra) from Disney's Planes
Granted, Priyanka Chopra is very attractive, but Ishani is all about that accent and her 28.1 foot wingspan.. Not to mention that sexy 1300 lb figure. Mmm--MMM!
Did You Catch It?
Best Male Cameo: Channing Tatum (Channing Tatum) from This is the End
If you missed it, you must have been in the bathroom or just didn't see this movie to begin with. These kinds of cameos are the reason certain actors gain a lot of respect in my book. Not that it means all that much.. My book is Twilight by Stephenie Meyer with all the phrases, "I sighed" whited out.
Best Female Cameo: GLaDOs (Ellen McLaine) from Pacific Rim
Every time I heard her talk, I thought, "Aw man, these guys are fucked!" But alas, there was no cake. :(
Would You Totally Still..?
Let's play a game.. Would you still have sex with these people if they had the following voices? Come up with your own! Play with your friends! Here's two to start you off: (I changed their heads for effect.. It is wholly unnecessary to do that for the actual game.)
Best Hot Male Character/Terrible Female Voice Combination:
Khan (Benedict Cumberbatch) from Star Trek Into Darkness with Roz's (Bob Peterson) voice from Monsters University
Best Hot Female Character/Terrible Male Voice Combination:
Rosalyn Rosenfeld (Jennifer Lawrence) from American Hustle with Chief Bill Parker's (Nick Nolte) voice from Gangster Squad
Thanks for stopping by! You stay classy, internet!
And don't forget to check out my 2013 YEAR IN RE-VIEWING by clicking Jamiroquai below!