The pReview Re-viewing
The Hangover I and II!
CLICK THE ABOVE IMAGE FOR THE HANGOVER PART III'S OFFICIAL WEBSITE!
(warning: You may need to film yourself reading this, because I roofied this entry.)
by Jeff Finck
The Summer of sequels is already heavily underway! In honor of The Hangover Part III coming out today (yesterday), I think I'm going to completely ignore it and just do a quick recap of what we've drunkenly gotten ourselves involved in with the first two parts of this very inebriated trilogy.
In The Hangover, Doug (Justin Bartha).. Nice, normal Doug.. Is getting married the day after tomorrow. He responsibly decides to have his bachelor party (again, this is two days before the wedding) in Las Vegas with his two best friends: Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Stu (Ed Helms). After getting roped into including his soon-to-be brother-in-law Alan (Zach Galifianakis), shit spirals into total and complete blackout chaos. Kind of like an average get together with Charlie Sheen.
So, after some drinks on the roof, everyone wakes up to find that an F5 party tornado has obliterated their hotel room. Phil, Stu, and Alan all look around and find that Doug is missing! It's cool, though, because instead of Doug, they now have a baby and a volatile, man-eating, deadly as fuck, actual tiger. Score! As it turns out, though, the tiger's kind of a dick and apparently babies need some form of responsible adult to take care of it. The trio ditch the tiger, snatch the baby and go searching for clues as to what in all of the merry fuck happened.. Then begin their search for their friend Doug.
They head downstairs to get their car from the valet, and instead of their totally sweet Benz, the valet brings them a Las Vegas Police cruiser. They assess the situation and figure leaving the hotel is probably a good idea after also discovering that some lunatic tossed a mattress out of a window last night. After some serious hung over (hanged? hunged?) brainstorming, they're led to a hospital where they find out that they were all probably date raped. After that, they're led to a chapel where they find out that Stu was probably date marriaged by a stripper (Heather Graham). After that, they get attacked outside of the chapel by some very aggressive Chinese gangsters looking for their boss.. But instead of sticking around and becoming human punching bags, they fuck off to the stripper's house. Upon further investigation, it turns out that the baby belongs to Jade (the stripper) and it was all an innocent misunderstanding. Jade totally innocently married a blind drunk man and innocently brought a baby to their totally innocent hotel party full of sin and tigers.
The police track the squad car to Jade's.. And Phil, Stu and Alan all get arrested for being absolutely terrible at being on vacation. They make a deal to become human test subjects in an experiment I like to call: How To Teach Children How to Be Sociopaths. They're tasered by children, released, and given their Mercedes back.. Only to find a butt-assed naked Asian man with a crowbar waiting in their trunk. He pops out like an extremely violent nude jack-in-the-box, beats everyone's internal organs repeatedly with said crowbar, then tears ass down the street, disappearing like a-- still very naked-- ghost. Alan finally decides to break down and tell everyone that he was the one who drugged everyone, but he thought it was ecstasy.
They all decide to get back to the hotel and regroup. Upon arrival, Mike Tyson intimidates everyone's testicles by singing at them. Tyson reveals that it was *his* tiger the group desecrated and stole and he is going to get his vengeance.. In this life or the next. The group then hand delivers the Champ's tiger back to his mansion, all is forgiven, and then Mike Tyson shows the group surveillance footage to help pinpoint what time Doug became Missing Doug.
Leaving Tyson's mansion, the guys receive further internal bleeding by a big ass SUV that hits them going about 234,000 miles an hour. The naked Asian man from their trunk (now fully clothed) gets out and we find out that he's called Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong). He tells them that they stole $80,000 from him last night and if they ever want to see Doug again, they better cough that shit up all quick-like. In order to do that, Alan infiltrates the casino 21-style and counts cards like Rain Man until they snag their ransom money and escapes the casino's snooping, looky-loo security with all the skill of that guy who used Mentos to avoid having to pay child support.
At the drop, it is discovered that Chow didn't actually have their Doug.. He had Black Doug (Mike Epps)! Black Doug, as it turns out is the guy who sold the roofies to Alan in the first place. It seems that, even to a drug dealer, roofies and ecstasy look the same. (note: If you're wondering why we don't call Doug, White Doug, it's because the principal cast in this movie is all white, and that shit would be redundant.) Anywho, Chow makes off with the cash, tells everyone to go fuck themselves and now Phil, Stu, Alan, and Bl.. Uhmm.. Other Doug are all standing around with their thumbs up their asses when, Not White Doug makes an offhand comment about how roofies are ill-named because you usually wind up on the floor.. Or a stranger's bed.. Or, just sometimes..
In the end, they find an incredibly Nevada-sunburnt Doug on the roof of their original hotel, along with the original $80,000 dollars, and they somehow manage to get Doug back to his wedding! At the reception, the group finds a very graphic account of the blacked out, wild night via pictures on a cell phone. It all seems a happy ending and everyone is happy and moving on with their happy lives until..
In The Hangover Part II.. It's two years later and everyone goes to Thailand for Stu's new wedding to not-a-stripper, Lauren (Jamie Chung). The four friends (Phil, Stu, Alan, and Doug) plus Lauren's little brother, Teddy (Mason Lee), all gather on the beach for some pre-wedding drinks and drugged as fuck marshmallows. Aaaaaaaaaand.. Then the group does Hangover Part I all over again, except they're in Thailand. And instead of pulling his tooth out, Stu gets a face tattoo. And instead of a tiger, they have a monkey. And instead of a baby, they have a wheelchair-bound Buddhist monk. And instead of losing Doug, they lose Ang Lee's son. And instead of marrying a stripper, Stu gets violated by a transgender prostitute. And instead of finding their missing comrade back at the start on the hotel roof, they find their missing comrade back at the start in the motel elevator. And instead of being plagued by Chow, Paul Giamatti antagonizes everyone like that Fantastic Four villain that.. Uhmm.. You know.. Like, antagonizes everyone.
Hope you all enjoyed this edition of The pReview Re-Viewing Re-Watching.. Now go out and watch The Hangover Part III, dammit!
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