The pReview Re-viewing of..
(Video Game Edition)
CLICK BELOW TO VIEW THE TRAILER!
(it is highly recommended to view the trailer and THEN read)
(warning: Liking this post will, unfortunately, not net you a free 100 points when you play The Bounty.)
by Jeff Finck
Release Date: Summer 2014
Just a quick background here: In a land very far away and, possibly from another time, there lived a glorious people. They were merry. They were rich. They were bored. So very, very bored. In order to spice things up around the kingdom, their very wise king (who was, in no way, a complete psychopath) decreed that everyone in the land will be able to participate in an annual dungeon diving competition! Heroes from around the world of all shapes and sizes would gather to compete. Also, heroes of all ages! (Because the king steadfastly believes that no matter how old you are, you should never let rooms full of danger and vicious creatures get in the way of saving up for that cool new.. I don't know.. Mr. Baseball Bat.. Or whatever the kids are into, nowadays.)
So, maybe the king kind of is an apparent crazy person. In any case, he calls himself Lord Day, but we all know his real name is probably Jerry.. And we all also know that he is probably just some failed referee from Tecmo Super Bowl who became so jaded with his lot in life, that he said, "Fuck this." then traveled the land and sea in search of something more.. Something better..
The trailer starts with an assortment of credits softly dissolving into a blur of amorphous blocks, giving us all a nice calming sense of order and law and that somewhere, someone is looking out for us with some kind of structure.. Even if that structure is softly dissolving into nothing. However, after we're done being assaulted with these suicidal pixels, a lone fire burns in the darkness, and a man-- Who is clearly wearing purple robes somewhere off-camera, being ordered about by a necromancer to do his taxes or laundry or something-- tells us all about the task at hand.
With a British accent reserved mostly for Robin Hood villains, it is explained that we are witness to an event that has hundreds of years worth of history. An event called The Bounty. It is said that if you're brave enough and your soul is pure enough-- But just corrupt and crazy enough to risk life and limb for money and points-- That you are eligible to enter the labyrinth below the city in order to compete in this completely, totally sane competition full of sanity and reason. Just a side note: Who in the fuck builds their city on top of a labyrinth full of monsters and traps?!!?
Apparently, our first hero is someone called Tedd. Tedd fucking hates bats and large men who kind of look like a cross between Jason Voorhies and Blaster minus Master, of Master Blaster fame, if they were dressed for a slumber party. The sweet retro graphics are pretty nice, though.. Like the forest dungeon that is basically a forest.. In a dungeon! And then they show a dungeon in a dungeon?!! Fuck yeah! Seriously, though.. These dungeons ain't no joke. And their traps are ridiculous.
Our next hero, a little bowl cut boy called Teddy, gets to explore the graveyard dungeon.. Which is basically a graveyard.. But in a dungeon! Apparently, the boss fight there is between you and the equivalent of someone decapitating the Cheshire Cat, setting its disembodied head on fire, and then reviving that son of a bitch in a crime against all natural laws. What kind of a monster..
Tedd decides to masochistically take another stab at the dungeon, this time running into one of the most fiendish puzzles of all time: The Three Seashell dilemma. Barely scraping by using her wits, she presses forward into the unknown terrors that lie in wait for her single life. Will she.. Nay, will YOU survive?! If not, it's cool, you get some points, a pat on the back, and a never ending amount of chances to keep coming back. Because death means nothing in this world.
I was lucky enough to be a backer for this glorious return to RPG style gaming. Cooler, still, is that it couples with all the competitiveness of old school arcade-style score-keeping. With randomized levels every time you delve into a dungeon, the replay value for this thing is insane. I've played the demos and I gotta say, I'm pretty damn excited to get a hold of the final product.. Not to mention how excited I am to run into one of the enemies I helped create! When this drops, may all the points be ever in your favor.. Oh, and tell Duffy I said, "Hi."
The Bounty (2014) poster, trailer, and screen shots courtesy of Ludicrous Games
Earthbound (1995) screen shot courtesy of Nintendo
Tecmo Super Bowl (1991) screen shot courtesy of Tecmo
Alice in Wonderland (1951) screen shot courtesy of Walt Disney Productions
Castlevania Symphony of the Night (1997) screen shot courtesy of Konami
Lord Day courtesy of hubris and possibly not being hugged enough as a child.
All credited images found on Google Image searches.