The pReview Re-viewing
Monthly Breakdown for
(warning: I will probably curse. But don't take my word for it!)
Click the movie posters to open their Official Websites in a separate window!
by Jeff Finck
So, this month is full of stuff I want to see.. And by proxy, now you want to see it, as well! Shit's got me so excited that I actually ripped off the toe nail on my left foot and am now left with what I'm calling "excitement scars." (That's totally a real thing.) Another sure-fire sign of my excitement is my newest hobby of inserting myself into movies that I (and most of the entire world) think should have been my defining acting moment. Unfortunately, in some cases, I was like five years old.. And/or did not/could not act.
The Internship is one of those fish out of water stories that so closely resembles real-life that you want to track down every CEO of every company that deals in customer service and lay parasitic eggs in their mouth so that when they're ready to hatch they just explode through their useless sternum.. I digress.. You know the type of story, though: Two adult-ass men (not to be confused with adult ass-men) who have been made redundant because they actually interact with their customers, as opposed to big corporations who have their employees sell things AT you and use technology to ultimately phase out that whole pesky *human* middleman. Well, for Billy and Nick (Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson), they play those two ass men. Attempting to get with the times, they snag an internship at Google and then hilarity ensues. I assume. Because Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are fantastic.
This is the End
I like Seth Rogen's style: Instead of tagging along with the whole End of the World schtick that every three other movies did late last year, he and his partner in crime (Evan Goldberg) waited six months to mark their own territory. Ironically, people are still, somehow, going to confuse this with Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's latest masterpiece. Regardless! The story follows a "What if?" scenario in the actual lives of Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Jay Baruchel, and Danny McBride as they try to ride out what appears to be an alien-induced apocalyptic romp full of dead Michael Cera jokes, Emma Watson beating the living fuck out of people, and aliens murder fucking everything. This could be the true story of seven strangers forced to live in a house, work together, and have their lives turned upside down.. We get to find out what happens when they stop being celebrities and start getting real.
Man of Steel
So, there is a theory.. The theory goes as such: One simply cannot make Superman interesting. I can really only think of one single time in which Superman was actually interesting. After clicking that spoiler-filled link about the video game Injustice: Gods Among Us, please write your local Congress-man or -woman and tell them to turn that into a fucking movie! (That's how Congress works, right? I mean.. They don't do anything else, correct?) Well, later this month, Zack Snyder (2004's Dawn of the Dead, 300, and The Watchmen) will try to show us that Superman can be more interesting than just being invincible at everything. We get to see a bit more into Supes' origin and a whole lot more of Clark Kent's useless family life. But then Zod (forever the bad guy, Michael Shannon) shows up and tries to declare martial law on Earth until Superman probably throws him into the sun*.. Ironically, destroying everyone in the universe *except* Superman. (*Not a spoiler.. Just a guess.)
I know that a lot of you are probably saying, "FUCKING FINALLY!" with this one. Well, to you I say, "Stop fucking cursing! This is a kids' movie, dammit!" So, yeah. Monsters, Inc is probably one of the most popular Disney-Pixar-- Dixar, if you will-- films to ever be animated onto the big screen and scooped liberally into our awaiting brain sockets. Rather than go forward and force some sort of "let's nab more money" sequel on everyone, we get what looks like the only prequel we'll ever need to see, of any family friendly movie ever made. Even more necessary than Ace Ventura 3! In this latest (but earliest, continuity-wise) outing, we get to see where Sully (John Goodman) and Mike (Billy Crystal) got their feet wet in the scaring business: College.
World War Z
This long awaited movie, extremely loosely adapted from the nearly forgotten book, World War Z, is finally here! Like, seriously.. This book came out in 2006! That makes it, like, almost a century old in book-to-movie years in this fast-paced, A.D.D. enveloped generation. Brad Pitt stars as the androgynously named Gerry Lane, a United Nations something-or-other who seems to be an expert at just about everything a person needs to know. Ever. As a pandemic of zombies plagues the world, and as the population of the living starts dropping faster than the opposite of Lindsay Lohan's blood/alcohol level at an open bar. Witness as one man, with no one else helping him.. At all.. Must fight alone against the hordes of zombie tidal waves sweeping the everywhere in the world.
In my opinion, society is only as strong as its next buddy cop flick. Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy boldly slap another brick onto society's brick wall as the buttresses hold firm.. And I may have lost even myself with this weird wall metaphor. Sandra Bullock plays FBI agent Sarah Ashburn, a no-nonsense, by-the-book, law upholder person who is forced to team up with foul-mouthed loose cannon, Detective Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy). Together they have to take down some kind of dickhead druglord who possibly hates women. And people who aren't on drugs. Women who are not on drugs turn him into a fucking Incredible Hulk of ruthless kingpins. Kind of like if The Kingpin was mashed up with the Incredible Hulk.. Like, The Incredikingpinnable Hulk.. And I now realize that similes also give me trouble, too.
In case you've been wondering what's been going on in the world of movies about the White House being taken over.. And for some reason completely missed G.I. Joe Retaliation and Olympus Has Fallen (for shame!).. There's a new one! This one stars Jamie Foxx as Barack Obama and Channing Tatum as Magic Mike. Tatum applies to the Secret Service, only to be rejected on the day that the White House comes under attack, because of course. And in the most elaborate re-application process, Channing Tatum rocks terrorist ass and saves the day and rescues the President of the United States and then probably.. I don't know.. Dances at them.. Or something. Plus, like I said before, it's another movie that features Roland Emmerich fucking with the White House.
And now that you're well aware of what to expect in June, I hope you're all prepped and ready for my full rants about This is the End, Man of Steel, and I'll probably give some sort of nod to one of the "letter movies", Monsters U or World War Z. Keep coming back throughout the month!