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The pReview Re-viewing Friday Breakdown for October 12, 2012

10/11/2012

The pReview Re-viewing
Friday Breakdown for..

October 12, 2012

(warning: Here comes the boom.)
clicking movie posters will open their Official Website in a separate window.

by Jeff Finck
written: 10/11/2012

I've never been one to be very political, but what is happening in the 2012 U.S. Presidential race is absolutely insane! And I'm not talking about how President Obama is seemingly tanking his own bid for the Presidency.. Or.. I don't know.. Literally everything Mitt Romney's camp says any time there's a microphone even hinting at being on. I am talking strictly and purely cosmetic observations: Has anyone noticed that El Presidente Obamasito has somehow acquired reverse Benjamin Button disease? (There's a chance that may just be called "aging.") Or when Romney/Ryan talk to anyone they think might be listening, they always look like they're in on some joke that no one gets? I'm not going to tell you who to vote for.. I'm not really that kind of guy. Most people have their minds made up, anyway, and I think political and religious arguments are usually pointless wall-arguing. But I can't be the only one that notices that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan always look like they're going to try to kill James Bond? That’s gotta be bad, right?

We've accomplished 2 functions that we embody: terror & extortion. If our demands are not met, we'll ruthlessly apply the 3rd: REVENGE!

Speaking of blood being spilled over Chinese toy dogs, Seven Psychopaths comes out tomorrow! Also on the horizon: Argo, starring Ben Affleck.. It was also directed by Ben Affleck.. Guess who wrote the screenplay? Chris Terrio. Hah! Take that, Ben Affleck! Kevin James will try his hardest to avoid physical comedy in.. Oh wait.. No.. He's going to run face first, screaming into physical comedy in Here Comes the Boom. And lastly, Ethan Hawke stars in Sinister, a film that is going to try to scare all of the hair off of your body.

Oh God! The humanity! ..Uhm.. I mean.. Cat-manity?

Seven Psychopaths

Wait.. Is the dog number 2? Or is Christopher Walken? Or is it both!? Christopher Walken the Dog! Ahthankyew.

Long story short: Two of the seven psychopaths kidnap one of the seven psychopath's dog and take it to the home of one of the seven psychopaths. The psychopath that got his dog nicked hires some guns to get his dog back and kill three of the seven psychopaths that he believes responsible. At some point, two of the three original seven psychopaths have psychopathic girlfriends who are also part of the seven psychopaths and butt in. And then Tom Waits shows up. He plays a psychopath. Click on this picture of Tom Waits trying to cause a space/time continuum implosion at the Seven Psychopaths premiere to read my full trailer review of Seven Psychopaths!

No, Tom Waits! Dooooon't!

Argo

Nothing terrifies Ben Affleck more than six white people running around Iran.

Loosely based on Antonio Mendez's book, Master of Disguise (starring Dana Carvey), and Joshuah Bearman's Wired magazine article called The Great Escape (starring Steve McQueen), not to mention Jason's big ass ship from Greek mythology, Argo is the tale of six Americans who escape the 1979 hostile takeover of the U.S. Embassy in Tehran. After the six escape, they hide out with the Canadians (all of them, I assume) in order to get not dead. Don't ever say that Canada didn't do anything for us! The CIA gets wind of the small pocket of escapees and attempts to extract them using subterfuge in the manner of a Canadian film crew filming what has got to be the worst title for a Sci-Fi movie I've ever heard.

To infinity.. And.. Beyo.. Holy fuck, there's no oxygen in space!!!!

Here Comes the Boom

Which is why the sequel is about how Mr. Voss gets arrested for starting a teen Fight Club.

Kevin James gets hit a lot, Salma Hayek is hot, and that guy who's a dick in everything is a dick in this. The end.

Ahh, the Fibonacci sequence of the movie world.

Okay, in all seriousness, the story is about rebel teacher, Scott Voss (Kevin James). His school experiences some serious cutbacks, which include.. I don't know.. Everything except paying extra to get terrible food in the cafeteria.. Or something. Mr. Voss puts life and limb on the line after he watches a UFC fight and finds out that the loser of the fight got paid a large colostomy bag’s worth of money. He decides, "Hey! I can lose UFC matches in extremely, comedically painful ways!" And then Frank Coraci filmed it. In the end, I'm sure that the children's waning enthusiasm in the school system is restored back to a hearty, "School. Why not.." And Kevin James gets to make out with Salma Hayek. And in the end, isn't that just what life's all about?

There’s a chance I do not know what “making out” is.

Sinister

How can we NOT see him?! He's right on the damn poster!!! FUCK!

Did you ever wonder how true-crime novelists get their ideas? Well, apparently, they awaken ancient child-devouring demons and steal all of their ideas! Thieving bastards! Ethan Hawke plays Ellison Oswalt. He's like a fictional Truman Capote.. Just without all the, you know, being gay or wildly famous. Instead of not moving his family into a house that was the site of a grisly series of murders in which a small child murdered their entire family, Ellison moves his wife and kids into a house that was the site of a grisly series of murders in which a small child murdered their entire family. All hell breaks loose and then his daughter draws on the wall with blood.