The pReview Re-viewing
Friday Breakdown for..
October 5, 2012!
(warning: New style, new format.. Same dumb pictures, weird references, and cursing!)
by: Jeff Finck
written: October 5, 2012
Whoops.. Missed a week there. Well, I'm back! And a ton of people are asking me, "What if you inherited an owlery from a dead relative?" The other guy that asked me a question, posited: "What actually came out last week?"
First of all, and I cannot stress this enough.. I WOULD BE SO PISSED IF I INHERITED AN OWLERY! Secondly.. Looper. Looper came out last week. Also, Hotel Transylvania.. And Won't Back Down. But mostly Looper. Looper stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Bruce Willis. It's mostly about time travel, mobsters, and Emily Blunt being hot. Hotel Transylvania is an animated movie starring the voices of Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg. It's mostly about a monster hotel and.. Nope.. Just a monster hotel. And Won't Back Down stars Maggie Gyllenhaal and is about two mothers who try to turn the education system on its ear..
Now, the first guy that asked me that question about the owlery (dumb question) also asked me what comes out today.. So, who cares if only one person is asking me questions.. Okay, it was me. I was asking me questions. But I needed to know! Allow me to answer his/my question with another question/declarative statement.. Followed by a weaker, less declarative trail offt: Taken 2! And Frankenweenie.. ..and Pitch Perfect.. A lot of people are worried about Taken 2, I've heard.. That it's going to wear out its welcome.. That people are taking too many things. Let me put your minds and troubles at ease with the following: Let them take as many things as they want, just so long as Liam Neeson gets to KILL EVERYONE INVOLVED WITH HIS IRISH RAGE! (click this pic to check out my FULL trailer review for Taken 2!)
If you still haven't seen Taken (the first one), I'm sure that you've probably had exactly a billion people quote it at you. With no exagerration. On average, literally, one seventh of the Earth's population has quoted some or all of Liam Neeson's extremely wonderful, fully fucking fantastic monologue to every person on the planet. Whether they want them to or not. The average Taken-quote-a-thon receival rate is marginally higher if your name is actually Liam Neeson.. But that's only because everyone thinks that he simply hasn't heard it enough. And they're right! Liam Neeson will never, EVER get tired of hearing those very famous words that he spoke in that movie that he starred in. It's kind of like doing Arnold impressions at Arnold Schwartzenegger.. Or dipping your fists in glue and then glass and then punching yourself in the dick. It's just good fun, not to mention, endlessly entertaining.
Taken 2 is accompanied by a couple other flicks.. You know, so critics and box office websites can have something to quantify how much better Taken 2 does than other things that aren't Liam Neeson punching people in the dick. Not only that, but since kids aren't going to see Taken 2.. Sorry, shouldn't be allowed to see Taken 2 until they're a little older, parents are going to begrudgingly drag them into Tim Burton's Frankenweenie or Jason Moore's Pitch Perfect. Or, in the case of Pitch Perfect, sure, you may be excited to see it if you're a child.. But hey, you may also be a 30 year old doctor and her 31 year old husband who just enjoy a capella puns and movies with singing and dancing. Shut up. My mom thinks we're cool!
Well, first off, Frankenweenie is actually a remake of another Tim Burton short called Frankenweenie from 1984. Well.. The original is actually just called Frankenweenie. Not "Frankenweenie from 1984"..
This 2012 remake seems like he's going to try to tell in 90 minutes, what it only took 30 minutes to tell the last time. This time will be different, though! This time, he's back to directing stop animation! Fun side facts: Frankenweenie will be the first time Tim Burton has directed anything NOT starring Johnny Depp since Big Fish almost 10 years ago. This is the first black and white film AND the first stop motion film to be released in IMAX 3D.. Which means that this might just be the first black and white film and the first stop motion film to actually achieve milking every last penny from people in the theater. At least he's teaming back up with Catherine O'Hara, Winona Ryder, Martin Landau, Christopher Lee, Conchata Ferrell, and Danny Elfman! He hasn't assembled a team like that since the last time he went to the grocery store! Another fun fact: Disney is releasing this flick, even though Tim Burton's 1984 version was the reason that Disney fired him.
And lastly, Pitch Perfect is one of those movies that seemed inevitable after the whole You Got Served in the Yard because You Stepped Up and Drumlined Everywhere on the Center Stage.. Coyote Ugly series of movies came out. And then with the explosion of High School Musical and Glee, it was cemented: There was going to be a gritty a capella movie. And I know what you're thinking, "No one goes to Qdoba for the atmosphere." Well, I'm here to tell you.. Wait.. What? I totally thought you were going to say, "How can an a capella movie be gritty?" Well, at some point, someone gets their arm ripped off. How's that for gritty? I bet you didn't see that coming, did you? Turns out, I was playing SongPop (shut up) on Facebook the other day and I spied this spoiler:
Now, it would appear that you have a few choices this weekend.. Choose wisely:
(clicking the movie posters will open their Official Websites in a separate window!)
But we all know you're just going to watch Taken 2 sixteen times in a row, so why fight it?