The pReview Re-viewing
Friday Breakdown for
November 30, 2012!
(warning: May cause sterility.)
Clicking on the movie posters will open their Official Websites in a separate window!
by Jeff Finck
So, I haven't come up with anything to irrationally rant about, but have you ever had one of those days when you wake up realize that you're in some sort of Twilight Zone outdoor living room?
That being said, if you've seen literally every other movie in the theater, this weekend only gives you two options, really: Killing Them Softly.. An hour and a half documentary about The Fugees’ rise to fame and shattering fall into obscurity, starring Brad Pitt and Ray Liotta.. Or, The Collection.. Which is a sequel to a movie that basically starred Kevin McAllister (from Home Alone) if he grew up to become a psychotic hoarder.
Killing Them Softly
"Killing them softly" refers to the act of hugging someone to death using clouds and rainbows. Kind of like if you banged out a My Little Pony. What? It's not anything like that? Oh, then "killing them softly" must be in reference to that movie based on the George V. Higgins novel, Cogan's Trade. In it, killing someone "softly" is the act of gratuitously blowing someone's skull open from a distance so as not to get brain matter and whatnot on you. In the movie, Brad Pitt plays an enforcer hired to figure out who robbed a mob-protected poker game. On his quest for the truth, I assume, dozens of people are killed extremely violently..
If you've never seen The Collector (The Collection’s 2009 torture-porn prequel), let me tell you absolutely nothing about it. I guess it was probably about a luchador who liked torturing people and then whoever lived the longest wins.. A spot in his.. (dun dun dun) Collection? In any case, the main protagonist from the first one, Arkin (Josh Stewart), is back! This time, he's not completely locked in a box like the very end of the first movie suggested, and now he's in the employ of a group of mercenaries hired to get back the daughter (Emma Fitzpatrick) of a wealthy wealth-monger (Christopher McDonald). The team manages to track The Collector down to an abandoned hotel where they must.. Saw II.
Final Breakdown: (This week's Final Breakdown brought to you by Chork! Not quite chicken, not quite pork, it's Chork! The taste nature forgot. (Thank you, Triple Play '98!))
Killing Them Softly: 4 anticipating Billy Goat Brad Pitts out of 5!
The Collection: 1 anticipating Billy Goat Brad Pitt out of all of them.