The pReview Re-viewing
Friday Breakdown for
August 10, 2012!
(warning: Contains adult language not suitable for children. Or adults.)
clicking movie posters will open their websites in a separate window.
by Jeff Finck
Before I address the double feature happening tomorrow, (..As always, feel free to bypass this tangent and skip ahead to movie stuffs..) I need to know: Have you ever been on the Oregon Trail when your covered wagon breaks down for the third time in three days, and you're still trying to get over your fifth broken left arm, and you have that virus that turns your mucus into a hallucinogenic that causes you to see little Cthulhu bunnies swimming in the tall grass, and you're so hungry that you would literally eat a whole walrus? I know what you're thinking: "But, there aren't any walruses between Kansas and Oregon." I KNOW! BUT I REALLY WANT TO EAT A WALRUS! I guess I'll have to settle for warm beer, dried pig bits, and bird seed.. Does everything taste like blood to you? No? WHY DOES EVERYTHING TASTE LIKE BLOOD!?
The only two movies competing this week are so wildly different from one another that the competition isn't so much an Ali vs Frazier.. But more like.. I don't know, Xbox vs waffles. Both are kind of awesome, and you can totally eat one while doing the other. (I'll let your imagination wander around that one.) We have a sequel dropping into our cinemas tomorrow called The Bourne Legacy.. I assume it explores Jason Bourne's son and tells the tale of how disappointed he is in him for going to art school instead becoming King of Mars. The other movie coming out is The Campaign. The Campaign is kind of like watching Mitt Romney fight Carbuncle from Final Fantasy IX.
The Bourne Legacy
Okay, so way back in 1980, Robert Ludlum wrote an intrigue filled novel full of intrigue and other words that mean similar things to intrigue.. Exactly 22 years to the date (citation needed), a group of old white guys celebrated Robert Ludlum's life (death) by releasing the movie version of his novel, The Bourne Identity, and called it.. The Bourne Identity. For three movies, Jason Bourne was played by Matt Damon. You may know Matt Damon from being the Sexiest Man Alive as of 2007, and probably not much else. Well, for three movies, Jason Bourne dazzled us with knife fights and beating people to death with rolled up magazines. Then, the studio decided to keep it going, but Paul Greengrass and Matt Damon said, "Enough!" So, that's it, right? Series concluded? NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE! Ludlum wrote three Bourne novels before he died in 2001, but lucky for every reader with eyes and literacy, a young man called Eric Van Lustbader wrote SIX MORE!!! This movie.. Has almost nothing to do with any of them. Read my full trailer review by clicking this picture of Jeremy Renner telling Godzilla to stop it.
Rivalries have been a driving factor in life since the beginning of time: Cowboys and Indians, Cowboys and Aliens, Edison and Tesla, Grant and Lee, Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, Inigo Montoya and the Six Fingered Man, Jedi and Sith, Superman and gravity.. George Bush and Black People! Now, we have Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) versus Marty Huggins (Zach Galifianakis). These two are locked in a bare knuckled, silver tongued brawl over a state Senate seat in North Carolina. The movie follows the terrible campaigns of incumbent, Cam, and the new naive up-and-comer, Marty. It won't be quite as entertaining as ANY of the TWENTY GOP 2012 debates. I have a feeling this is still going to be worth watching.. You know, now that they've narrowed it down to just having a tall slice of unleavened bread running for President. Click this representation of what I just typed to view my FULL trailer review for The Campaign:
Final Breakdown: (This week's Final Breakdown is brought to you by straight-forwardness!)
Go see both of these movies.