Wednesday's Breakdown for
the Friday May 4th, 2012 releases!
clicking movie posters will open their Official Sites in a separate window
by Jeff Finck
I want to start off talking about a very deadly, very dark trend: Forcing penguins to re-enact World War II scenes. This is a practice that dates back to that time my friend, TV's Chris Black Chris, sent me a text message two hours ago, telling me to invent it. Every year, possibly millions of penguins are allegedly killed in what may or may not be animal cruelty.. Probably not, though, because it just isn't real. However, in order to raise awareness of this thing that doesn't exist, here are pictures that don't prove a damn thing!
We're going to do a new format with the Wednesday breakdown. I will now spotlight one movie coming out on Friday, and briefly talk about the rest of the releases at the end. This week, The Avengers figuratively stomp all over the competition.. Though, the audiences of the three releases this week probably wouldn't really mesh together, so it's not much of a competition. The Avengers is obviously coming out. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, which is about a bunch of retirees looking for paradise. And Lol, starring Hannah Montana.. Or Miley Cyrus.. I can never tell them apart.
Never has a movie been so perfectly led up to, in the history of cinema. This has been building up since someone saw Hulk in 2003 and decided, "What the fuck is this shit?! No Hulk for half the movie? Not on my watch!" And so it came to be, the spark that ignited the Avengers Initiative. Okay, okay, Iron Man came out before The Incredible Hulk.. But I'm sure the idea came about in the 2 hour and 18 minute sweeping epic that Ang Lee created. Regardless, the decision was made, and in what is probably the smartest move of Marvel's career, they created the greatest cross-over concept ever.
This Friday, all the waiting should pay off. There are spoilers ALL over the damn place because, apparently, there were about 6,000 pre-screenings, and people don't know how to keep their damn mouths shut. I won't ruin anything for you, but what I do know is that Loki shows back up and starts fucking shit up on Earth. This, of course gets directly on Nick Fury's tits, and he assembles the greatest (And, as far as movie continuity goes, ONLY) superhero team in the Universe: Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), The Hulk (with a NEW human body, Mark Ruffalo), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner)! Now, I've already ranted a bit about this when I first saw the trailer.. So click this image to read AAAAALLLLLLLLLLL about.. What I thought of it:
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
A young man by the name of Sonny (Dev Patel) has a vision: To have the BEST exotic Marigold Hotel in all of India. Judging by the name of the movie.. It TOTALLY happens. The premise is that a group of retired folk are on the hunt for a well decent place to retire. After seeing some sweet advertisements for the newly restored hotel in India, they make the journey, only to discover that the place isn't what it's cracked up to be. With an all-star cast, including Dame Judi Dench, Bill Nighy, Penelope Wilton, Dame Maggie Smith, Tom Wilkinson, Ronald Pickup, and Celia Imrie, this movie looks to be quite sweetly and heartwarming. And also, Cocoon in India.
Miley Cyrus stars as a girl called Lola.. "Lol" to her friends. In today's world of social networking and digital reliance, Lola runs around high school, basically just being a high school student. As I've recently discovered this term on Twitter via @katie_khan, @dandouglas has coined a term that describes this movie relatively well: Straight to Netflix.
I hope this helped.. Be sure to keep checking back every Monday for a full review and every Wednesday for the Friday spotlight! Testicles.