The pReview Re-viewing Appe-Teasers
SEPTEMBER 23RD AND 30TH!
(warning: Contains profanity)
clicking movie posters will open their Official Sites in a separate window
by Jeff Finck
First off, all apologies for there being no Appe-Teasers last week.. I have excuses.. but excuses are like.. assholes? I don't know.. but no one wants to see mine. Or hear it. Ew. As a slight consolation, here is a what would have gone down (to see this Friday's, just scroll down this post a bit.. you'll know when to start reading.. truuuuuuuust me):
September 23rd Appe-Teasers:
Abduction: This movie follows that werewolf guy from the Twilight movies realizing that he's a kid version of Jason Bourne. ..just.. you know.. in a really terrible way. The preview looks like an awkward high school production of an action flick. ..that someone threw $35 million at.
Dolphin Tale: This features Morgan Freeman dressed like the Colonel from KFC helping out another of Mother Nature's creatures. Instead of aimless, self depracating penguins, he is helping a tail-challenged dolphin called Winter. Giving a dolphin a bionic tale (which is what I assume is the overall premise of the movie, which should have been called "The 6 Million Dollar Dolphin") comes with a few people who were everywhere in the late 90's/early 2000's, and seemed to have found their way to this moment in time: Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr, Kris Kristofferson.
Moneyball: Now, here's a movie with some real promise! Brad "I'm natural in every role" Pitt, Philip Seymour "I am amazing in every role" Hoffman, and Jonah Hill.. who looks like he fits this dramatic role wonderfully. It's about the Oakland Athletics in 2001 and their General Manager, Billy Beane realizing that the rest of the MLB are rich assholes. He then goes to Goodwill and other thrift stores and finds more.. better.. cheaper.. baseball players.
Machine Gun Preacher: A Gerard Butler movie with Michelle Monaghan in which Gerard Butler plays real life Sam Childers, a preacher who basically murdered everyone in the Sudan with vigilantism and kindness.. but mostly vigilantism. ..and mostly kindness.
Killer Elite: Read the full Re-viewing here: KILLER ELITE
The September 30th Appe-Teasers!
Welcome to this week's Appe-Teasers! A whole heap of movies came out last week, and this week appears to be just as bountiful! The cinematic snacks stack up like this: a dramedy about some cancer, a horror movie with creepy kids, a romantic comedy based on a book, a drama loosely based on a poem, and the newest edition into the Martial Arts/Spaghetti Western genre. So.. here goes nothin'!
First up is 50/50, starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen. People like to throw out phrases like "indie darling" and "character actor" when describing Joey Gordon Levs, but I like to just say, "Indie Character Darling Actor", mostly because there's more syllables in it when you just combine the two. 50/50 is the theme here: there is a 50/50 chance of JGL's character, Adam, dying from the Cancer.. 50/50 dose of comedy and drama.. and both of those 50s are played by comedic Rogen and dramatic Levitt. This seems to be more comedy than drama, but mark my words.. someone will die and it will either be funny.. or.. not.. funny. If you want to laugh and cry at the same time, check out:
50/50: I would give this better odds at being a great movie. Like.. 100% chance I will see this.. but sadly for the theater people and studios who want this to do well, I will probably be waiting (much the same as most people, I am guessing) until it comes to dvd.
Dream House: I've seen the Number 23 and I've seen The Others.. I love horror movies.. but slow-paced horror flicks in the theaters put me to sleep or have me looking for my fast forward button. I'm checking this out when it hits my local Family Video.
What's Your Number?: The cameos alone make me want to see this. However, I don't see myself grabbing the fellas and running out and making this a guy's night out movie. Do people even have "guy's night out" anymore? Weird. This looks like it's a great date movie. Something for both genders! (Men and women.. though, hermaphrodites are probably fine with it. If you have no gender, you may hate this.)
Margaret: Stay home. This may make a decent home viewing with the fast forward button close at hand to help you struggle through the.. parts.. of this movie. Probably most of the parts.
Bunraku: Total popcorn flick! Fans of Sin City, The Spirit, Dick Tracy and Kung Fu Hustle will probably enjoy the balls out of this movie! And this movie should have enough balls to spread around! Balls for everyone!!!!