The pReview Re-viewing
Friday Breakdown for..
December 14, 2012!
(warning: Pardon my Elfish.. I curse quite a bit. (Elfish is basically the French of Middle Earth.))
Click the movie posters to open their Official Websites in a separate window!
by Jeff Finck
written: 12/14/2012
Hobbitses, Hobbitses, Hobbitses.. Well, just the one Hobbitses, I suppose. Today (edit: technically yesterday), we get (edit: got) the first of two movies that will end abruptly and without warning.. And then a couple years from now, we'll watch fourteen or fifteen endings that feature Bilbo barging into his nephew's room in the morning and then awkwardly looking around because two pudgy, little Hobbit feet are poking out from under the covers, facing in an impossible direction away from the fidgety frame of a nervous looking Frodo. ..Oh.. And two other movies are squeezed into the Middle Earth-ian freight train.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
What once was a children's book, now has become a Peter Jackson trilogy of sing-songy delight and over-whelming animal slaying. If you don't know the story of Bilbo Baggins and his begrudging adventure, sit back as I regale you with a tale of unexpected journeys filled with musical Dwarfs.. All-powerful wizards that rely on weak, under-qualified lesser races for shits and grins.. A greedy dragon who doesn't know how to spell "smog".. And an onomatopoeic little jerk obsessed with Gabourey Sidibe. Oh wait.. That was the whole plot. But you probably want to see it in 3D. So, go spend your twenty dollars and forget I said anything. Just click this pic to read my full trailer review of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey!
Save the Date
After Sarah (Lizzy Caplan) turns down her boyfriend's (Geoffrey Arend) very public rock concert marriage proposal, she bounces right back with new guy, Jonathon (Mark Webber).. Then spends the rest of the movie trying to figure out what she really wants in life, all the while, her sister (Alison Brie) is prepping for her wedding with her fianceé, Andrew (Martin Starr). Let me try that again.. The hot girl from Party Down breaks up with the “I love acid” stoner from Super Troopers and rebounds with the lead singer from Scott Pilgrim's band Sex Bob-omb, all while comparing her life to super-cute Annie from Community and her fianceé, Roman.. Also from Party Down.
Any Day Now
Alan Cumming plays Rudy, a concerned citizen. One night, his neighbor decides to be a massive cunt and blast music at high volumes, completely disregarding everyone else in the building's ears and/or civil peace. Rudy jogs on over to politely request that she turn it down.. But she's a massive junkie cunt who sucks ass and just cunts harder like a jerk. I may be a bit biased here on being a good neighbor.. I digress. Apologies. As it turns out, the neighbor lady has a son called Marco (Isaac Leyva) who has Down's Syndrome. After Marco's mom gets arrested, Rudy takes Marco in and agrees to watch over him with his closeted partner and successful lawyer, Paul (Garret Dillahunt). When their relationship is made public.. I assume they go Batman on the whole outdated, biased, homophobic system.
Final Breakdown: (In this week's Final Breakdown, Sir Ian McKellen seduces you!)
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Add in the fact that he was Death and a fucking talking polar bear, and
Sir Ian McKellen has become the most powerful man on the planet!
Save the Date
Sir Ian McKellen actually just seduced both girls of this movie and everyone looking at this photo into marrying him.
And then he just walked away.
Any Day Now
You don't know it yet, but in that last picture, Sir Ian McKellen just made you gay.
And you're completely fine with it.